Selfish Isn’t Bad — It’s Necessary
Let’s start here:
Selfish has a bad reputation. It brings to mind arrogance, disregard, or a me-first attitude that bulldozes others. But that’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about necessary selfishness — the kind that allows you to make decisions based on what’s right for you, without apology. The kind that sets boundaries, protects your energy, and keeps your career aligned to the life you're actually trying to build.
Because here's the truth no one told you in orientation: no one is going to care about your career more than you do.
Not your manager. Not HR. Not even that amazing VP who really does want to see you succeed.
This is your job. Your time. Your future. And when you act like it, everything gets a little bit clearer.
Selfishness looks like:
Saying no to extra work that doesn’t align to your goals
Asking for the raise instead of waiting to be offered one
Taking your vacation without guilt
Leaving the job that’s “fine” but not fulfilling
Choosing not to apply for leadership because you’re actually happy as an IC
Protecting your evenings from Slack, Teams, or “quick pings”
Making decisions with your future in mind — not someone else’s comfort
These are not acts of rebellion. These are acts of self-respect.
The transaction can’t work if it’s one-sided
You already know how I feel about corporate — it’s a transaction, not a marriage. And if you’re constantly over-delivering with no return, that’s a transaction out of balance. Selfishness is what helps rebalance it.
You don’t owe anyone blind loyalty, endless effort, or the pieces of yourself that are meant to exist outside of work. You owe the company what you were hired to do — nothing more, unless you choose otherwise.
But wait — isn’t this just entitlement?
No. Entitlement expects something for nothing.
Necessary selfishness expects fair value in return for what you’re giving — and speaks up when that value isn’t there.
Selfishness, in this context, doesn’t mean you don’t care about your team. It means you refuse to burn yourself out in the name of "team spirit." It means you know the difference between being helpful and being exploited. It means you’ve realized that sacrificing your wellbeing for someone else’s budget goals isn’t noble — it’s unsustainable.
The people who get ahead? They aren’t ashamed to advocate.
They ask for more. They push back. They set expectations.
They say, “This is what I need,” and then make decisions if they don’t get it.
And often? They do get it — because they were willing to ask.
You don’t need to be cutthroat to be selfish. You just need to believe that you matter.
That your career matters.
That protecting your energy, your time, your sanity, and your ambition is your job — not anyone else’s.
Here’s the hardest part: No one will tell you this is allowed.
You’ll get messages about being a team player, being adaptable, being humble. And those things aren’t bad — until they silence you. Until you forget that you’re not here to survive the system. You’re here to use it in service of the life you want.
And that means sometimes the most powerful, career-defining thing you can do… is to be a little selfish.
Action Required
Take five quiet minutes and ask yourself one uncomfortable question:
Where am I putting everyone else’s needs ahead of my own — and calling it “being a team player”?
Now go one step further:
What’s the real cost of that?
What would it look like to set one boundary this week?
What’s one decision I’ve been avoiding because I’m afraid of being seen as selfish?
Write down one thing you actually need — then make a move in that direction.
Small is fine. Clear is better. This isn’t about becoming ruthless. It’s about becoming real.
